I love to laugh. I really do. I mean it! I love it. And I love making people laugh. It’s like a drug to me. I’ve never used cocaine or heroin or uppers or goofballs or, Jesus – I’m so uncool…I’ll just say “illicit drugs”….but to me I equate enduring gut-busting laughter, or causing it, with that kind of high. Any of you hard-core drug users out there might disagree with me but you can’t prove me wrong so, piss off.
It’s been a while since I’ve laughed so hard that I felt like I couldn’t breathe and like I was going to pass out, and I really need a fix.
So I started compiling in my head the things that I can remember laughing at the hardest in my long, illustrious life. This is one of them:
College. 1988? Probably Midnight. Eating at “The Junction” with the usual suspects… a bunch of dirt-poor, over-worked, never-paid Theatre students. This was “our place”. We OWNED that place. You could write a check there for a buck-fifty. ‘nough said.
So I’m eating a taco salad (not their signature dish, but it cost like $ .12 – so it was pretty popular). I start choking and gasping for air. My friend “Sue” (I’m protecting her identity, from what I don’t know…but she’s the same friend with whom I shared Super Mario life-lessons) is sitting to my left eating her who-knows-what.
I’m gagging and can’t catch my breath. Other friends start to notice and become passively concerned, doling out the intermittent, obligatory “are-you-okays”. Sue doesn’t flinch and continues eating and I was pissed she wasn’t trying to help me. She was, after all, the only one there who had taken Nursing courses and was, I assumed, my best chance at survival.
I dramatically, natch, grab my throat, look directly at Sue and sputter out the word “HEIMLICH!” in my raspy, nearly-deadness. She. Does. Nothing.
Someone from across the table leans over and smacks me on the back in a pretty half-assed sort of way, rolling their eyes the whole time. That pissed me off too. I cough and the offending piece of something dislodges in my throat. I breathe hard and drink some water, slamming the glass down with a flourish.
Once I compose myself I turn to Sue, and with arms flailing in their ridiculous Italianness, yell…
“What the FUCK!? You couldn’t HELP ME??!! I said Heimlich!!!”
Without looking up and continuing her meal she said……
“If you can say it, you don’t need it.”
laughing is very high. continue…
Thank you….I credit my friend. I keep telling her if she won’t write for herself, I’ll do it for her….but no royalties. It’s a classic line though, and I’ve used it on others. It’s pretty awesome.
Remember the moment as if it were just twenty years ago. Right up there with the infamous “Crack of Dawn” comment.
Yeah, as if it were just twenty years ago. Can you believe it?
Very funny – I like to laugh too! And I think I also have a warped sense of humour!
Thank you! Yes, warped is good. You’d definitely love “Sue” then. Thanks for reading.