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Coyote Ugly

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The absolutely, utterly, repulsively insane, conservative, right-wing extremist movement in this country (which is becoming ever increasingly more right-wing mainstreamist) – encapsulated so beautifully in this modern Republican Party – wants to control my body.  A woman’s body.  Any woman’s body.

Every woman’s body.

And I mean in a baaaaaad way.

Really bad.

Like, wanna-lay-me-down-and-force-objects-into-my-vagina-make-me-tell-my-employer-if-I’m-going-to-need-birth-control-for-sex- instead-of-endometriosis-keep-an-aspirin-firmly-between-my-knees-kind-of-way.


A. The Blunt Amendment

B. Rush Limbaugh

C. Personhood

D. Rick Santorum

E.  Mitt Romney

F. Foster Friess – Santorum Political Backer

G. Bob McDonnell – Virginia Governor

H. Darrell Issa – House of Representatives

If you think that the phrase “war on women” is merely conveniently concocted Liberal hyperbole, I have to ask what you’re smoking.  I bet it it some gooooood shit.

Let’s lay just some of it out here.

I want to get straight what these people (i.e. Rick Santorum, Rush Limbaugh, Darrell Issa, Roy Blunt, Mitt Romney, various Republican-led state legislatures, Republican leaders of Congress, et al) and their political party and zealot followers want American women to succumb to and accept:

  1. We are not supposed to want sex other than for the sole purpose of procreation.
  2. We should keep an aspirin between our knees in order to keep them closed together so as not to let any male genitalia into our general genital area, and certainly not male genitalia that we are not married to and without the express purpose of conceiving a child.
  3. Any employer should be able to opt out of covering birth control pills to prevent pregnancy based on any non-specific moral code that employer spews forth.  Every sperm and egg is sacred, don’t you know.
  4. In order to have our insurance cover The Pill, it should be legal for our employer to ask us WHY we are being given this prescription and if it is to prevent pregnancy or for another medical condition.
  5. Our employer should be able to morally, legally and practically object to our insurance covering a prescription of The Pill if it is merely for its primary function of preventing pregnancy.
  6. Should we become pregnant with an unwanted pregnancy (for whatever reason that pregnancy is unwanted and/or untenable) and presumptively in part because we now have Draconian barriers to accessing The Pill, we – as well as our physicians – should be prosecuted should we actually have an abortion.
  7. A newly fertilized egg inside or outside of our bodies should not only have legal “personhood” rights, it should have more legal rights than we do.
  8. We should practice abstinence-only to avoid pregnancy.
  9. We should not like sex for the sake of only sex – unless  you are married.
  10. We should not want sex simply for the pleasure and intimacy of it – unless you are married.
  11. Every time we have sex we should be ready to birth a baby nine months later.
  12. If we do not want to birth a baby, we still should not have access to an insurance-covered medicine designed to prevent that baby’s very conception.
  13. You want congressional panels of men, only men, and most of them religious clergy, to be the only voices heard during a debate on this issue.
  14. If we do not want to birth a baby, we should not have sex at all.  Ever.  Not ever.
  15. We should not be able to make the decision to have sex simply because we like it while simultaneously making the responsible decision to not become pregnant at all through the use of insurance-covered birth control pills, but should instead defer that decision to our employer or the Pope or Rick Santorum or Rush Limbaugh.
  16. Should we become pregnant you want to force us to bear that child by repealing Roe v Wade; a choice you will make for us based exclusively upon your own religious beliefs and your interpretation of God’s will.
  17. Until you can repeal Roe v Wade and while it is still legal to have an abortion (even though you didn’t want us to have fair access to medication to prevent the pregnancy to begin with) you want to force us to do the following things regardless of the fact that we have already come to our decision through significant soul-searching and consideration of all personal factors involved:
  • Lie on a table, have a doctor spread our legs and forcibly, against our will, insert a 7-inch vaginal ultrasound wand into our vaginas.
  • You want the doctor to point the ultrasound screen at our faces and describe to us to the fetus in detail.
  • You want the doctor to crank up the volume on the fetal heartbeat.
  • If we don’t want to see and hear the fetus, we might still have the option to close our eyes and sing “lalalalala” loudly with our fingers in our ears, although I suspect that forcible eyelid and arm restraint legislation is pending.
  • If after this physical and emotional rape by our doctor we still want to have the abortion, we must watch an actual abortion taking place by, what??  Ostensibly forcing us to sit in between another woman’s legs while the procedure is being done??

In addition:

  1. You want men everywhere to be given the right to have their Viagra covered by insurance, when the SOLE reason for taking it is to ensure a raging erection whenever they want one.
  2. You want those men with the raging erections to be able to have sex with the woman of their choosing knowing that the culmination of their medically enhanced super-libido may result in an unwanted pregnancy with a woman who, married or not, who was not given the option to prevent that pregnancy through the use of an equally-insurance-covered medication: The Pill.
  3. You are fine with those men with the raging erections being responsible for massive environmental damage due to billions of dropped aspirin littering the Earth.

Do I have it right?

Okay.  Thought so.

Hey, Conservative-Right folks of America…psssst….I have a suggestion for you.

No, really.  Come here.  Let me whisper it to you.

Don’t be a-scared…closer.

Good.  Thanks.

Now listen up……..

Why don’t you forget about screwing-over women, and go screw yourselves instead.

Not very ladylike of me?

The time for niceties has passed.

This isn’t about religious freedom as you proclaim.  You can’t whine “GOD is on MY Side!” every time you want to justify your flagrant misogyny.   It is about the opposite of freedom.  It is about shackling women with chastity belts per whatever religion you espouse.

This isn’t about your faux-outrage over how your tax dollars are being used to subsidize some woman’s birth control or Planned Parenthood or abortions when you don’t want it subsidizing those things.  Here’s a news-flash for you:  we live in a democratic collective.  We all pay for things we consider abhorrent or immoral via our tax dollars.  All of us.  Not just you.  It is the price we pay to help fulfill as much freedom and equality as possible – for all.

This isn’t about smaller government.  It is about the most massive, tyrannical intrusion into personal liberty since the pre-civil war era treatment of African-Americans.

This isn’t about protecting the unborn.  It is about protecting your funding from right-wing extremist/lobbyists and pandering to the special interests who give you and your representatives big, big money.

This isn’t about morality, because what you and I and millions of others just like me consider moral isn’t even closely related…at all.  Just because you say you and you alone are right and have a direct pipeline into God’s most private thoughts and access to the divine interpretation behind every word of the Bible and Constitution – does not make it so.

This is about SEX.

The controlling of women through controlling our sex lives.

You want to control our reproductive rights – and reproductive parts – in every way.

Every way.

Your singular goal is to shame women into making the choices you want them to make.

Are you a woman who wants, simply wants, to have sex?  You are most assuredly a slut.

Are you a woman who wants to have sex but also wants to prevent a pregnancy from occurring through the use of birth control covered by your health insurance?  You are definitely a slut.

“Shame the women!” you screech through your heavenly anointed megaphones.

Shame us into acquiescing to your bizarre mindset of what women should be and how we should act.

No one encapsulates this GOP mantra better than Rick Santorum:

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.”

“Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

And this absurdity isn’t coming from just Santorum (So sorry you had to abstain from the Presidency, Ricky.  Really, such a shame) or the religiously fanatical base of the GOP.  It is not.  It is now becoming mainstream Republican dogma.  More and more of these pathetic thoughts and bills and propositions come forward every day.

And you know what your backing is for these neanderthalic tactics?

The Bible.

That’s it.  The Bible.

The Bible.  Written thousands of years ago; when if a woman had her period she was deemed unclean and forbidden to leave her home without first sacrificing a goat or a chicken.  When she was the express property of her husband.  When she was fit for little else than to serve as a baby making machine for whichever man decided she was his possession.

The Bible; ordering women to miraculously somehow remain perpetually chaste and virginal…lest our sexuality show through and tempt the men-folk.

The Bible.  Written by men.  For men.

That is IT.  That’s who’s got your back.

Hillary Clinton got it dead-right.  All over the world, and in the name of whatever your religion is, you want to control women by:

  • dictating what we wear
  • what we think
  • what we can learn
  • how we have sex
  • when we should have sex
  • for what reasons we should have sex
  • how much we should enjoy sex
  • whether we should be allowed insurance coverage on a medication that will prevent pregnancy resulting from having sex
  • what we can do with the pregnancy inside our bodies which resulted from sex
  • who we must tell intensely personal information to regarding acquiring pregnancy-preventing medication so we can have baby-free sex.

And on and on and on.

It is sickening.

You Bible-blinded sheep.  You mindless, amoral, weak-minded sheep.

No religious doctrine – whether I agree with its content or not – which was written exclusively by men, exclusively for men – will be the reason that you get to control what I do with my body.

Generations upon generations of women have fought tougher foes than the likes of you in the name of personal autonomy, freedom and the right to control what goes in, and what comes out of, our vaginas.

You all mean business.

You are passing laws which thrust these perversions upon the inherent liberty of American women.

This isn’t just feeble-minded shock-jock talk anymore.

You want to push women and our human rights and dignity back 100, 500, 2,000 years.

You are all insane.

You know the definition of insanity:  you keep repeating the same action over and over again while expecting different results.

So you are thinking, what, Rightwingers???  That NOW, in the year 2012, is the time that your attempt to literally control a woman’s body and spirit will finally succeed despite the fact that is has failed in every attempt which has come before it?

Did all of the top Right-Wingbats in this country get together and discuss it?

Here’s how I imagine the conversation went:

Wingbat #1:  Hey, you know, a lot of people are really pissed off that Barack Hussein Obama was elected President.  People are out of work.  The stock market is in the shitter.  Gas prices are high.  Our followers are terrified of terrorists and foreigners and, well, everything.  Especially Obama.  He’s not even a Christian.  He might be Hitler.  Logic tells us it is time to strike….WOMEN.  Let’s get ’em.  Let’s ride this wave.  We can get the masses to agree with anything now.  So…you know what I think?

Wingbat #2:  No.  What?

Wingbats #3 & #4:  I bet I know (chuckle, chuckle…)

Wingbats #5-#50:  Start repealing women’s rights to their own bodies, start denying them control over their own medical care and reproduction, and start forcing them to know their place, you know, before all that “women’s lib” shit happened.  We can’t legally stone them to death, YET, so let’s get conservative men…hell, let’s get conservative WOMEN to start shaming all women over being women who want to have sex!

Wingbat #1:  HA!!  You guys are so smart.  Yes.  Exactly.  Now is the time.  It will work this time.  We have God and a lot of Houses of Representatives on our side.  There is no way we can lose.  What could possibly go wrong?

Wingbats #1-#50:  Let’s show those slutty bitches who’s boss.  Hooooorrrrrayyyyyyyy!

You should drop all of this now.

You won’t, because you lack the humility to admit that women will never settle for anything less than complete control of our minds and bodies.

You won’t drop this.

But you should.

If you don’t, I swear to the God you believe in that a revolution will play out before your very eyes.  It is already starting.

Stop messing with this.  Retreat.  Run away.

Or it’s gonna get ugly.  Really ugly.  Coyote ugly.

You’re not fooling anyone.

It is about sex.  

Why extremists always focus on women, remains a mystery to me, but they all seem to.

It doesn’t matter what country they’re in, or what religion they claim, they all want to control women, they want to control how we dress, they want to control how we act, they even want to control the decisions that we make about our own health and our own bodies.

Yes, it is hard to believe, but even here at home, we have to stand up for women’s rights and reject efforts to marginalize any one of us, because America needs to set an example for the entire world.”

– Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on the right-wing extremists who have taken on the women of America ( and awakened a sleeping giant).

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